What can friends and family do to help?
This section is for friends and family who want to support someone they know with paranoia.
If you have a relative or friend who may be experiencing paranoid thoughts, it can be difficult to know how to help. You might feel unsure of how to react, particularly if you don’t agree with the beliefs they are expressing.
Consider if their beliefs might be justified
It’s easy to dismiss thoughts as paranoid if you don’t agree with them or they don’t match your experience. It’s even easier if your loved one has experienced other paranoid thoughts or delusions in the past. But it’s important to try to check that you’re not making assumptions.
Consider if there is a basis for their beliefs
Even if you feel that their thoughts aren’t justified, it’s worth remembering that many paranoid thoughts will have developed from anxieties about a real situation. Try to explore whether there is a basis for their fears. This can help both of you understand how the thoughts have developed.
“The most helpful thing for me is to be taken seriously. On some level I know my beliefs can’t be real, yet to me they are utterly terrifying. Treating the fear as very real, even if you can’t go along with my reasons for the fear, is so important.”
Paranoid beliefs can make people feel isolated but talking about them can help reduce stress. You might find that your point of view reassures them and gives them a different perspective.
Don’t dismiss their fears
Even if you don’t agree that they are under threat or at risk, try to understand how they are feeling. It’s important to recognise that their feelings are very real, even if you feel the beliefs they are based on are unfounded.
Focus on their feelings
Focus on the level of distress they are feeling and offer comfort. It’s possible to recognise their alarm and acknowledge their feelings without agreeing with the reason they feel that way.
“[It helps to] deal with the agitation by focusing on the feelings… [and] giving general comforting phrases such as ‘All is well, there is nothing to worry about, you are safe.’ Providing distraction activities can also help to break the cycle of paranoia.”
Support them to seek help
You can’t force anyone to get help if they don’t want it, so it’s important to reassure your loved one that it’s ok to ask for help, and that there is help out there. See our pages on how to support someone else to seek help for their mental health for more information.
Respect their wishes
Even if you feel that you know what’s best, it’s important to respect their wishes and don’t try and take over or make decisions without them.
Know how to get help in an emergency
If your loved one hasn’t been able to talk to you about their experiences, they may become very unwell before you realise they need help. If you are worried that your family member or friend is becoming very unwell or experiencing a mental health crisis, you could suggest that they use their crisis plan (if they have one).
Look after yourself too
Seeing someone you care about experiencing paranoia can be distressing or even frightening. You may feel as if you have no time for yourself, but looking after your own wellbeing is important for you and for them. You may find it helpful to get support through talking therapy or peer support.
See our pages on looking after yourself when supporting someone else and how to improve your mental wellbeing for more information.
“Looking after someone with paranoia is incredibly draining… having the same conversations day in day out. I learnt to be very clear and concise in my conversations with my father, to be very boundaried and always do what I said I was going to do, leaving no room for misinterpretation.”