[situation]
7 years ago: Anxiety and depression, mood disorder on and off;
5 years ago: adjustment disorder
2 years ago: bipolar disorder ii (with dissociative-like symptoms, memory problems ..etc)
The most difficult moment of the whole journey was when i allowed myself to be rotten on bed and accepting this is the fate for the rest of my life. i wanted to end my life, but then the severity of depression was too big that i couldnt even move a single bit, not even my fingers. i then couldnt take the action to end my life, instead i turned to accept that i might as well just be half-dead half-alive forever. It was really the desperation that slowly killed me inside. And no words could ever describe the moments.
[support]
When I was dealing with anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder II, the most effective and crucial support I received was therapy from uni clinical psychologist (im an uni students thats why). The key aspect of this experience was having a safe space to discuss issues that were difficult to articulate, largely due to the suppressive culture in Hong Kong, the low educational level of my caregivers, and their inability to understand my struggles, compounded by a lack of information about accessing community support.
Having a safe environment to express myself is vital for maintaining mental well-being and preventing the deterioration of mental health. This space is not limited to therapy sessions; it can also be a gathering of individuals in need, sitting together on the beach, meditating in silence, and healing in each other’s presence. It might involve an open forum where we can share our pains and be heard by a small, supportive group. Alternatively, it could be a dance session that allows us to release pain and emotions, flowing with our feelings.
[change]
Having a long-term professional support means the world to me. It gave me space to talk, changed the way i think, taught me emotional resilience and the correct ways of getting along with feelings, showed me how to find power within my inner self. And these kind of support is exactly the reason why i could be here, sharing my story bravely. Therefore i highly appreciate the free service provided anywhere by institutions just to create that safe professional space for emotions. I realise that in my severe case, a professional help is much needed. If my situation weren’t that serious, those professional service can still serve as a prevention, espeically to the teens and young adults, as i believe most HK ppl are suffering from stress and negativity even if these aren’t “actually-diagnosed illness.”