Erica 的故事
哪些地方/事物對你的精神健康過程最重要，為什麼？
我的日記。過去的我只在身處低谷時才寫日記。雖然它達到了其作用，但當我意識自己只記錄那些不快的回憶時，我只覺得傷感。然而到現在，我的日記已成為我抒發自己的出口，而它亦讓我可以照顧自己的精神健康。
將我無形的擔憂轉化成有形的文字，讓我可以整理、抽離和了解自己。現在，我那本色彩鮮豔的日記也保留了許多難忘、有意義和歡樂的時刻。
精神健康如何影響你的日常生活？
高中時，焦慮開始悄悄地降臨至我身上，影響我的身心健康。一半的焦慮來自某段友誼引起的社交恐懼；另一半則是來自進階先修課程（AP）和大學申請時引起的廣泛性焦慮。我會擔心生活中的人際關係、自己與同齡人的比較，經常覺得自己不夠好。
與焦慮共處意味著自己每天都可能會發生些觸發憂慮的事情，可能是胸前的緊繃感，或者是肩頸隱隱作痛的感覺，甚至有時是恐慌突襲的徵兆。
精神健康污名如何影響你的生活？
不幸的是，我也面對著許多人在經歷精神健康困擾時不得不面對的污名問題，包括與別人敞開心扉或尋求幫助時所面對的那些直接批評或暗示。當我的精神健康狀況十分惡劣時，這些經歷讓我感到被忽視、孤立，和自我懷疑。
我沒有肯定自己的感受，而是質疑自己的經歷。
我沒有認同自己確確實實在經歷精神健康困擾，而是內化別人說我「太情緒化」、「太大反應」或「抗壓力低」等評價。
我沒有及時尋求協助，而是嘗試自己處理——因為我覺得無法應對都是我自己的錯。
現在，當我再次經歷污名及其引發的情緒時，我能將自己從這些污名抽離，讓它對我的影響不至太嚴重。因為我知道自己確實經歷了這些感受，而我亦對自己的身份更有信心。這種信心使我能夠勇敢分享自己的故事、普及精神疾病，鼓勵大眾用更包容的語言談論精神健康。
你會如何形容自己？你有什麼標籤？
家庭/朋友為中心：我的家人——父母、兄弟、祖父母、叔舅、姨嬸、表兄弟姐妹等，都對我很重要，我的朋友亦然。如果不是他們，我絕不會成為今天的自己，我亦十分感恩有他們成為我最大的支持者，不論他們現在身處何方。
好動的人：我從四歲至大學一直有踢足球；我亦喜歡透過 CrossFit、重訓、行山和跳舞來保持運動。
書蟲：我喜歡逛書店——它是我的快樂之地。而我的書架也是我在香港中最喜愛的角落之一。
標竿人生：回饋社會，用我的聲音來幫手創造一個更健康、愉快和公平的世界一直以來我的初心。這也是我在個人生活、社區，甚至我在工作中的本願。
你現在的生活是怎麼樣的？
到了今天，我已經不再害怕自己偶爾感到脆弱，也不再害怕用言語去講述自己的故事。因為我知道，如果我能至少讓一個人感到不那麼孤單，那也值得了。
你在精神健康經歷中有什麼得著呢？
我的精神健康經歷教會我不需要自己獨自承受所有負擔，尋找別人的幫助也不是軟弱的表現。我們能為自己做的最好的事是向他人敞開心扉、依靠信任的人，尋找自己需要的專業協助。
我也學會放下那些被內化的負面刻板印象，例如是「太情緒化」或「太敏感」。我亦同時學會欣賞自己接受診斷的好處，例如是更有同理心和我優秀的組織能力。
Where/what has been important to you in your mental health journey? Why?
My journal. In the past, I used to only journal in moments of rock bottom. While it served its purpose, I can’t help but feel heartache from realising that those were the only memories captured from my past. Today, however, my journal has become a constant outlet for me to care for my mental health.
Translating my worries into the tangible written words has allowed me to process, zoom out, and understand myself better. My brightly coloured journals have also become the keepers of the many memorable, meaningful, and joyous moments.
How has mental health affected your day to day life?
Anxiety began to creep into my mind and body in high school. It was one-part social anxiety brought on by issues with a particular friendship, and one-part general anxiety brought on by Advanced Placement classes and the college application process. I worried about the relationships in my life, how I was measuring up against my peers, and often felt like I was not good enough.
Living with anxiety means recognising that every single day, something may trigger the treadmill of my thoughts and worry. It could be the tightness in my chest, the creeping aching feeling in my neck and shoulders, and sometimes even the makings of a panic attack.
How has the stigma around mental health affected your life?
I was brought face-to-face with the stigma that so many of us unfortunately have to deal with when coping with mental health challenges, and the explicit or implicit judgment we may receive when we are vulnerable enough to open up or ask for help. At a time when my mental health was already in poor form, these experiences made me feel dismissed, isolated, and filled with self-doubt.
Rather than feeling affirmed that my struggles were valid, I second guessed what I was going through.
Rather than recognising the very real mental health challenges I was experiencing, I internalised the ideas that I was “too emotional”, “overreacting”, or “unable to handle the pressure”.
Rather than seeking help at an earlier point in time, I tried to handle it on my own because I believed it was my fault for not being able to cope better.
Now, when I encounter experiences of stigma, and the emotions that they trigger, I am better able to detach and not let them affect me as much, because I am more confident in the validity of my experiences and who I am. This confidence has also empowered me to tell my story to normalise mental illness and to challenge others to use more inclusive language.
How would you describe yourself? What are your labels?
Family and Friend-Centric: My family – parents, brother, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins – is so important to me, as well as my friends. I would not be where I am today if it were not for them, and I am so thankful to have them as my biggest supporters no matter where in the world they are
Lover of Movement: I played soccer from the age of four through university – and have always loved keeping active through CrossFit, weightlifting, hiking, and dancing.
Bookworm: Bookstores are my happy place, and my bookshelf is one of my favourite corners of Hong Kong.
Purpose-Driven Advocate: Giving back and using my voice to help create a healthier, happier, more equitable world has always been at the heart of what I do in my personal life, in the community, and in my work.
Tell us about your life now
Today, I am not as afraid to be vulnerable or to use the power of my words to tell my story, knowing that if I make one person feel less alone, it will always be worth it.
What has your mental health experience taught you?
My mental health experience has taught me that I do not need to bear all of my burdens on my own, and that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. The best thing that we can do is open up to others, lean on the people we trust, and seek the professional help we need.
I also learned to let go of internalised negative stereotypes – the beliefs that I’m “too emotional” or “too sensitive” — while also seeing the positive sides to my diagnosis such as my heightened empathy and my A+ organisational skills.
